Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Who Will Carry Me Home?

The fear of death has been weighing heavily on my mind. For the last three years many people around me have died; some expectedly but most, unexpectedly.  At least that's what it feels like. This fear has propelled all these questions to dance in my head. I'd rather not think about these questions for fear that they will trigger the real event.
Who will carry me home when they are gone? When my parents are gone who will nag me about the condition of my house and car? Who will ask me if I was productive at work (managers don't count)? Who will find a way to come get me if I get hurt like back in '08 when I fell in my garage. My dad said you know you could have called an ambulance. I replied incredulously, why would I do that when I have people who love me to come get me.  But who will carry me home when they are gone?
Why do some recover from illness, others don't and some just pass away with no warning? The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.  What does that mean? Is that meant to give comfort? Not necessarily. It is meant as a reminder; the true order of life. Despite popular belief, if it is to be it is not up to me rather whatever He wants will be. All I must do is trust that He will take care of me no matter what happens. He did, He is and He will always carry me.

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